I am getting some hilarious responses to the last post both by email and in the comments. Here are some more. Feel free to add your own in the comments. The first one is courtesy of Ted:
The rigging gaffer tells the UPM to "Get his d%^k out of his boyfriends a%& and get down to set.
The camera operator walks into set on day 40, sees the DP lowering a backlight down to the frameline and says, "I just can't do this today." And goes home.
The Dolly Grip, trying to be helpful, says to the DP, "Don't worry Sir, I understand and I'll fix it." The response? "That'll be enough of the dialogue back, Mate." (Some of you know who this is).
Day 1, Dolly Grip tells Key Grip he's wrong.
Day 20, Key Grip tells DP he's an amateur.
Day 38, Camera Operator tells DP he's an a#$#%^e who doesn't know what he's doing.
Dolly Grip happens upon the DP explaining the concept of eyelines to the freaking Director and can't decide which is the bigger moron.
Best Boy refuses alcohol on set because "One of us has to stay sober." The next day, Best Boy is offered the position of Key Grip.
Seen at 7:00 AM, grips at grip truck turning up Budweisers like there's no tomorrow.