Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Things I've Heard,

The following is a compendium of some things I've overheard over the years. I am responsible for a few of them, but most were said by others.*

I've got more time in the honeywagon than you do in this business.

Twenty- five year old juicer: "We're going to need a sider on this."  Friend of mine: "I've got shoes that have been in this business longer than you have, so shut the f^%$ up!"

Why is the word "bag" not funny, but the word "sack" is?

When you get all the extras out of the door, I'll lay the track. Til then, I'm going to sit here and play Angry Birds.

To gaffer who just suggested a dolly shot- " You just make sure everything's plugged in." He did not take it well.

It's not a magic vibration isolator."

Key Grip to DP: "You're a f^%$#ing amateur."

DP: "This looks really nice."   Operator: " And it only took three weeks." He didn't take it well either.

John Frankenheimer to Key Grip: " Look through the lens and make sure nothing stupid happens."

Dolly Grip to Tim Burton after he called for a huge crane shot at the last minute: " This ain't Batman!" (He thought it was funny).

Famous Actress: "Can I ask a stupid question?"  Operator: "Better than anyone I know."

"Pipe down, Bullock!"

Operator to DP: "Do you want to step outside?"

UPM to me: " Your ass is in a sling!"

Stunt Coordinator on an insert car: "We'll go a little faster around the on-ramp and maybe the car won't turn over."

"We don't have much money, but it'll be a lot of fun!"

UPM to me: " You don't get paid for wrapping."   Me: unprintable. (We got paid).

Twelfth grade English teacher: "Your ass is in a sling!"  What is it with this saying?

"Go Slower, start later, end sooner." What does this mean?

"Low, wide and tight." Ditto. Who are these people we work for?

Specular softlight.

"That had all the emotion of a truck pulling out of a parking space!"

On a parallel (scaffolding), "Give me a high hat." I shit you not.

DP on a boom and a move: "Can you do that?"  Dolly Grip: "Can you pour piss out of a boot?"

* This is a next day sober rewrite. I didn't like the title.


The Grip Works said...

"Can you pour piss from a boot " ha ha ha ha ha ha !! Brilliant !!

When you get all the extras out of the door, I'll lay the track. Til then, I'm going to sit here and play Angry Birds. - I want to buy this guy a beer !!

Anonymous said...

Key Grip to DP: "You're a f^%$#ing amateur."

Thats the best haha! Been there.

Michael Taylor said...

I don't know..."douche-bag" sounds funnier to me than "douche-sack" -- but maybe that's the exception that proves the rule.

Onno said...

my favourite, not by me:

A hard working electrician to a 'time-pushing-DP'while carrying heavydutystand:

"I have two kind of working speeds, if you don't like this one you sure will hate the other.."

Wick said...

Key Grip to his crew after arriving at a location on Long Island Sound at low tide: "We've got some time - wanna roll in the mud?"

DP: "The slate was good, but then everything kind of went downhill."

Civilian trying to get out of an elevator packed with shooting crew & cast: "Please let me through, I'm NOT with the movie crew". Sam Elliott: "You wouldn't last!"

And various times:

AD / DP / UPM: "How fast can you build this crane?" Me: "Faster than you can decide what to do with it."

Dir. / DP: "Sorry, we've got to think about this for a little bit". Grip: "That's okay, I get paid by the hour."