Friday, June 05, 2009

Stream of Consciousness

The following is a fair approximation of what is going through my mind at any given time throughout the day:

Cue We Built This City by Starship. Thanks a lot for that, Br.... Now where's my taperoll? Has anyone seen my ta.... oh there it is. Where did he go. What's he doing over there? OK, rehearsal. Two actors in a living room, how bad can it b... Oh don't do that. They should make this scene a phone call and save us the troub... Stay your a...now the other one's getting up. Really? You two can't just sit on the couch and make this easy?...Now where's S...Oh there he is... What lens is that? ...A 21? We should just mount it in the ceiling and let these two a$$#les walk around under it. Oh come on.! You can do that in a straight line! Yeah, I can get the camera there...IF WE SHOOT THIS ONE SCENE IN SUPER 8. Allright. That's sixteen by three and...THREE FEET AND FIVE AND A HALF INCHES?? for cripes sake can't they just make a room normal sized?... Luckily the carpet's only 3 inches thick so only two layers of plywood should do it...Allright I need six sheets of plyw....no five times four is twenty....Geez where is my mind today...Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the ra...STOP IT!!!where'd I leave the dolly? no you don't need no freaking sideboard...hack... Second Team! Let's see, he's looking left so I have to get all the way over to here to...Can't we just cheat him over that way a little?.. That's what I thought....Oh all right I'll get you a stupid sideboard...I'll bet the Dolly Grip on NCIS doesn't have to put up with this kind of sh...now, he did not do that in the rehearsal and you didn't say anyth...oh allright....what do you mean "can I do that?" Can you pour piss out of a boot? he......where's he going? I know I have to stay on his right I'm not a moron...Where's that sideboard?...Someone always playing.....Corporation ga...STOP IT!!!Holy crap, he's a good operator, shame he can't find a better Dolly Grip.....this arm sucks....Oh, you mean you didn't like the big lurch at the start??Yes I know what "feather" means...Do you know what %^&%* means?...Just a small town girl....living in a lonely wo..STOP IT!!!...Wait...wait...waiiiiit...now........ aaaaaand..... easy.... easy......where the hell's he going?.........got him.....aaaaand stop....She took the midnight train going anywh..STOP IT!!!
It's really amazing that anything gets done at all.

10 comments:

Nathan said...

LMAO.

CBGrip said...

D- Perhaps we share a voice or maybe it's the long hours and nights.

Chris

PS.... It's TV. Cheap and fast!

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha !! Thats brilliant :-) - sanjay

Michael Taylor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael Taylor said...

Wonderful post. When you consider that a very similar dialog is going on in the head of every person on set (the details of which are specific to their department) all day long, five or six days a week, it really is a miracle that anything watchable can emerge from such a cacophony of confusion.

Alexa Mignon Harris said...

"no you don't need no freaking sideboard....oh all right I'll get you a stupid sideboard....where's that sideboard?"
HAahahahaha!
Genius!


I get Jefferson Starship's We Built This City stuck in my head all the time. XD

-Alexa

GHB said...

I've been there...sometimes it seems like everyday of the week I'm there. Do you really need that damn sideboard? You know I can't see my damn marks when that thing is on....

floop said...

Ha! Awesome post.

Got to the end and thought "wait a minute. when did he switch to Journey?"

D said...

Thanks guys, glad you enjoyed it. Floop, I was just seeing if you were paying attention.

Anonymous said...

Thank you