The following is a compendium of some things I've overheard over the years. I am responsible for a few of them, but most were said by others.*
I've got more time in the honeywagon than you do in this business.
Twenty- five year old juicer: "We're going to need a sider on this." Friend of mine: "I've got shoes that have been in this business longer than you have, so shut the f^%$ up!"
Why is the word "bag" not funny, but the word "sack" is?
When you get all the extras out of the door, I'll lay the track. Til then, I'm going to sit here and play Angry Birds.
To gaffer who just suggested a dolly shot- " You just make sure everything's plugged in." He did not take it well.
It's not a magic vibration isolator."
Key Grip to DP: "You're a f^%$#ing amateur."
DP: "This looks really nice." Operator: " And it only took three weeks." He didn't take it well either.
John Frankenheimer to Key Grip: " Look through the lens and make sure nothing stupid happens."
Dolly Grip to Tim Burton after he called for a huge crane shot at the last minute: " This ain't Batman!" (He thought it was funny).
Famous Actress: "Can I ask a stupid question?" Operator: "Better than anyone I know."
"Pipe down, Bullock!"
Operator to DP: "Do you want to step outside?"
UPM to me: " Your ass is in a sling!"
Stunt Coordinator on an insert car: "We'll go a little faster around the on-ramp and maybe the car won't turn over."
"We don't have much money, but it'll be a lot of fun!"
UPM to me: " You don't get paid for wrapping." Me: unprintable. (We got paid).
Twelfth grade English teacher: "Your ass is in a sling!" What is it with this saying?
"Go Slower, start later, end sooner." What does this mean?
"Low, wide and tight." Ditto. Who are these people we work for?
"That had all the emotion of a truck pulling out of a parking space!"
On a parallel (scaffolding), "Give me a high hat." I shit you not.
DP on a boom and a move: "Can you do that?" Dolly Grip: "Can you pour piss out of a boot?"
* This is a next day sober rewrite. I didn't like the title.